Sibling Rivalry
by Pezberrylover0612
Summary: This story was written for a prompt I got from Morgan Emrys. Rachel and Santana are in love, but Santana is afraid to say it. Rachel and Santana have a fight and Puck comforts Santana in more ways than one and Rachel walks in
1. Chapter 1

Rachel and Noah 'Puck' Puckerman couldn't be anymore different. Rachel loved to study while Puck likes to flirt with his teachers just to get a D. Rachel liked being on time to places while Puck gets there when he gets there. Rachel loves her Broadway collection while Puck was exclusive to his Van Halen collection. Rachel's had her life planned since she was two while Puck still has no clue what he's doing. These two siblings were as different as night and day, but there's one thing they had in common. One thing that they would fight to no ends for. That thing was Santana Lopez.

Both of them were madly in love with her, but it was Rachel who won her heart. Santana and Rachel have been dating for six months now and they seem like the perfect couple, but Puck knows better. He knows that his sister has been pushing Santana into saying the three words that he knows the latina fears the most. It's not that Santana didn't feel that way, but she was afraid. Rachel and Puck both know why that is. Santana always has this feeling that she's everybody's second choice.

When she had sex with Finn he made a point to tell her it meant nothing to him, because he wanted Rachel, Sam only dated her to get back at Quinn for cheating on him, and Brittany told her they could be together only if her and Artie break up. Going through all of that could really fuck with a person's head. Rachel never meant to pushpp Santana into something she's boy ready for. She just thought after being together for six months that Santana would be able to tell her how she really feels.

It's a fight that they're having more often now. A fight that Puck has heard coming from his sister's room plenty of times that he thinks that it's only a matter of time until they break up and Santana will finally be his. He's almost sure of it as he listens to the yelling that's coming from his down the hall right now

"You know how I feel about you!" Santana shouts before throwing herself on her girlfriend's bed

"No I don't know, Santana!" Rachel shouts back "I tell you I love you everyday! I love you! I love you! I love you! They're three simple words! Why is it so hard for you to say!"

"Because, every time I do I get my heart broken!" Rachel has been so understating when it came to Santana's feelings about saying 'I love you', but she knows that Santana loves her. She just wants to hear her say it

"I'm not leaving you, Santana! I know you've had situations in the past where you felt like somebody's second choice, but you're my first everything! There's no one else I'd rather be with!" Rachel makes it a point to remind Santana this everyday, but lately she's been wondering what'd the point? Santana's never going to believe her

"I'm sorry if I have my doubts!" Santana sobs "Everyone who says they love me leaves me! I want to believe you, Rachel! I want to tell you exactly how I feel about you without being scared, but I can't!"

"What more can I do to prove it to you! I stopped talking to Finn, because you didn't like it! I'm constantly turning people down when they flirt with me, because I'm taken! I wear this stupid promise ring to show everybody that I belong to you!" When Rachel notices the hurt in Santana's eyes she knows she's gone too far "San, I'm-"

"Stupid promise ring?" Santana shouts "Stupid? The promise rings were your idea! You said it was a way of saying what I was too afraid to say! You promised you wouldn't push me into saying something I wasn't ready for! You don't get to decide when I'm ready to tell you how I feel!"

"Are you ever going to be ready?" Rachel shouts "I love you, Santana! I love you! Will it physically hurt you to say it back?"

"I don't want to fight anymore." Santana sobs before running out of her girlfriend's bedroom and down the hall. She was heading to the staircase when she ran into Puck

"Hey hey hey." He says before wrapping his arms around Santana "It's alright."

"It's not alright, Puck!" Santana cries into his chest "Why is she pushing this?"

"I don't know, Santana." Puck knew this was his chance. With Santana fighting with Santana means this was the perfect time to make Santana realize that it's really him that he belongs with "Do you want to talk in my room? I know you already told your parents you're staying and you're in no condition to drive home."

"Ok." Santana says before they walk into Puck's room and sit on his bed

"So talk." Puck says pretending he didn't hear everything and doesn't know exactly what's going on

"She wants me to tell her I love her." Santana chokes out between sobs

"Don't you?" Puck asks

"Of course I do." Puck isn't hurt at all by this, because he knows. He knows that Santana loves his sister, but that doesn't stop him. He loves Santana and in time she'll learn to love him too "It's just so hard to say when you've been hurt so many times."

"Shhh...I know, baby." Puck tries comforting her by wrapping his arms around her "You're right, Santana. She can't force you to say you love her. You have to say it when you're ready."

"Why do I feel so bad then?" Santana asks lying her head on Puck's shoulder "Maybe I should talk to her."

"No!" Puck shouts before Santana has a chance to move "I mean, she'll come around. Just give her time."

"Ok." Santana nods

"I love you, Santana." Puck whispers "I love you so much."

"What?" Santana asks pulling away from Puck

"I love you." He repeats before kissing her "I don't expect you to say it back. I know you don't love me the way I love you, but I would never push you into loving me. I'll wait as long as it takes for you to be ready to love me. You're definitely worth waiting for." Santana smiles weakly at Puck's words. That's all she wanted to hear from Rachel. That she would wait for her. She use to say it. Rachel would always tell Santana that she would wait as long as it takes, but lately she's been pushing Santana. She promised she wouldn't force her to tell her how she feels just like Puck was telling her right now. He's saying the very things that made Santana fall in love with Rachel. So, without even thinking about it, Santana crashes her lips against Puck's

Santana doesn't bother going slow. She just shoves her tongue down Puck's throat. Puck lets Santana do whatever she wants. He might be taking advantage of his sister's girlfriend, but he's not going to force himself on her. He just wants Santana and he'll take her however he can get her. So when she pushes him on the bed and straddles him, he doesn't fight her. He doesn't tell her that he's the man and should be in control of this situation. Instead he sits back and allows her to do what she pleases.

Santana starts kissing Puck's neck leaving very noticeable marks. He was saying all the right things to make her feel safe and secure. Promising not to push her and telling her she was worth the wait was all she ever wanted. She wanted to know that someone cared enough to wait for her. To know that they weren't just waiting for someone better to come along. That it was only her they wanted and no one else

"Tell me again." Santana says still kissing Puck's neck "Tell me you'll wait for me and never push me to do something I'm not ready for."

"I'll wait for you as long as it takes." Puck says "I'll never push you into saying you love me. I'll wait patiently for you to be ready. I love you, Santana. You don't have to say it back."

"Prove it." Santana pleads before taking her shirt off "Prove that you love me and want nothing in return." That's all Puck needed to hear before flipping her over and kissing her softly. This was it. His chance to prove how much he deserved Santana and how she should be with him instead of Rachel. Puck smiles as he unclasps Santana's bra and throws it across the room. He sucks one of her nipples into his mouth while he rolls the other one between his thumb and index finger.

Santana starts rubbing her legs together trying to gain some sort of friction. She doesn't want to rush this though. She wants it to feel like it use to feel. When Rachel made her feel safe and didn't try to force her to telling her how I feel. When Santana didn't feel like she had to tell Rachel how she felt. When she thought that Rachel just knew. That's not the case anymore though. She didn't feel safe anymore. She felt like she was suffocating. Like she was being forced to do something she didn't want to do

"Puck." Santana whimpers "Please."

Puck nods releasing Santana's nipple with a pop before he lifts her cheerios skirt and pulls down her underwear. He smirks to himself before he licks the entire length of Santana's slit. He absolutely loves the way she shiver under his touch. He's imagined doing this to her a million times before, but this was way better than any fantasy he's ever had. He's finally tasted the woman he's been in love with for as long as he can remember and he wants more. So, he spreads her open and shoves his tongue deep inside her

"Fuck!"

Puck has never felt so smug as he did in that moment. Listening to the way he was effecting Santana sent his entire body into overdrive as he sticks two fingers inside her and sucks her clit into his mouth

"Oh God." Santana moans. She knows this is wrong. She knows she should of stopped this a long time ago, but she's too far gone now. She needs Puck. She needs to feel safe again "Puck!" She shouts as cums in his mouth. Puck wipes his mouth clean before he starts kissing up Santana's body

"I want to make love to you, Santana." He says before kissins her lips softly "But, I won't do it if you don't want me to. I'll wait as long as it takes to have the chance to be with you that way. This is all about you."

Santana takes a minute to think about it. Puck was saying all the things she wanted to hear. He's making her feel safe and loved. Not that Rachel didn't make her feel loved, because she did. She just didn't make her feel safe anymore. Puck was here giving her everything she was asking for and not pushing her for anything in return. That made her decision easy

"Do it, Puck." Santana says before pulling him in for a rough kiss "Make love to me."

Puck nods before he hops off the bed and sheds off all of his clothes revealing how hard he was for Santana. He unzips Santana's skirt and slowly pulls it down her legs. Puck hops onto the bed and grabs his dick to guide it to Santana's entrance and starts moving slowly. He wants nothing more than to fuck her with all his might, but this isn't about fucking her. It's about proving that it's him she should be with not Rachel.

"Faster." Santana whimpers

Puck is all too happy to oblige as he starts thrusting at a much faster pace. Santana closes her eyes and tries to remember this feeling. The feeling of being someone's number one. Feeling like someone cares enough to wait forever to love them back

"Oh God!...Fuck!...I'm so close!" Santana shouts as she clenches around Puck

"Me too." Puck says as he increases his speed "Cum with me, Baby."

"Oh God!...Oh!...Puck!"

"Santana!" They shout at the same time as they cum together

"What the hell?" Santana and Puck don't even have time to recover from their orgasms when they hear Rachel's voice

"Rachel!" Santana shouts pushing Puck off of her "Baby-"

"Don't!' Rachel shouts cutting her off "Just don't." She cries before turning to leave, but Santana grabs her wrist

"Baby, I'm sorry." Santana sobs. She didn't realize just how wrong this was until she saw Rachel's face. She shouldn't of done this. She should of just left like she planned "I love you." Rachel huffs before she pulls herself away from Santana

"This is what it takes for you to say you love me!" Rachel shouts "I'd rather you didn't say it at all." She cries before running out of the room leaving Santana crying and Puck mist watching the whole thing. He was so sure he would be happy about this, but he feels guilty as he watches his sister and the girl he loves break right in front him. He knows he really fucked up this time. Can he even fix this?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG GUYS. I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT I WAS KIND OF NERVOUS ABOUT THIS CHAPTER. THE FIRST CHAPTER GOT 28 REVIEWS! THAT'S THE MOST I'VE EVER GOTTEN FOR ONE CHAPTER AND I JUST WANT TO DO THIS STORY JUSTICE. I'D LIKE TO THANK GLEEK1990 FOR TELLING ME TO POST THIS, BECAUSE SHE WAS SURE IT'LL BE GREAT! SO THANK YOU! I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT LOL ANYWAY HERE'S CHAPTER TWO!

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Everything hurts. I can not believe what I just walked in on. The girl I love more than anything else in the world was just having sex with Noah! My brother! Then she has the nerve to tell me she loves me. How can she look me in the eye and say she loves me? I've done everything to make sure she felt safe in our relationship. I stopped talking to people she didn't like, I always reminded her that she's the only one for me, I assured her of my love and didn't ask for the same assurance or hers. Well that's not completely true, but I just wanted to know that my feelings weren't one sided. Is that too much to ask after six months of dating? Maybe I shouldn't of pushed her to tell me how she feels, but I didn't think she would get so mad that she would have sex with my brother.

My dear brother Noah. I don't even know how to describe the betrayal I feel from him. I'll admit that I knew he had feelings for Santana when I asked her out, but I thought he was over it by now. If he had told me that he still had feelings for her we could of talked about it. I'm not saying that I would of left Santana, but I would of tried my best to help my brother get over her. I would of done anything for Noah, because he's my brother and I love him, but I never thought he was capable of this. I never thought he would have sex with my girlfriend without even thinking how much it would hurt me. The sad part of this is I would still do anything for him. He'll always be my older brother.

I just don't know how I'll ever recover from this. I haven't talked to Puck or Santana since that day and it's only been two weeks. The hurt is still very much there and will probably be there for a long time. Especially since I live with Puck and see Santana at school every day. I know that I won't be able to avoid them forever. They've been trying to talk to me, but I can't bring myself to do that. What exactly do they expect from me anyway? I can't even look at them without wanting to burst into tears. I want to get mad. I want to yell at them and ask them how they could do this to me, but I can't. I'm not as mad as I am hurt.

I'm not saying that I'm not angry about this. In fact I'm very angry, but the hurt and betrayal seem to overpower my anger. Instead of yelling at them or even hitting them, I just ignore them and cry. How can two people who I love so much hurt me like this? Did they even think about me at all? How much this would hurt me? Or did they just not care at all how it would effect me. I guess that's it. They just didn't care. I would never even dream of hurting them like this. I thought they would do the same for me.

I've never felt so alone before. Whenever I had a problem I would always talk to Noah or Santana. I was considering talking to my mom, but I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that my brother had sex with my girlfriend while I was in the other room. My mom thinks the world of Noah and I couldn't tell her. No matter how badly I wanted to tell her that her perfect little boy isn't so perfect after all. I don't think I would be able to handle how much it would break her heart if she knew what he's done. So I decided for the sake of my mother, not for Noah, that I just can't tell her. I won't tell her.

Which makes the current situation I'm in extremely akward. I'm sitting down at the table trying to get through breakfast as a family with my mom and Noah. Something that use to be so easy is now so difficult. I can tell that my mom can sense some sort of tension between Noah and I, but she won't ask what's going on. She probably thinks we're just in the middle of some normal brother/sister feud and that it'll be over soon. Little does she know that this fight is far from over. It might never be over.

"I can't take this!" My mom shouts breaking the silence in the room. It certainly takes me by surprise, because mom usually doesn't shout at the table. It's one of her 'happy family rules' But then again I shouldn't be too surprised. My mom is just as dramatic as I am "What's wrong with you two?"

That's a very loaded question. There happens to be a lot of things wrong with us right now. What am I suppose to tell my mom though? That my brother and I aren't talking because he fucked my girlfriend? I can't do that. I don't want to do that. The less people who know about this the better. I've already had to answer to the whole glee club why glee's 'perfect couple' is no longer together. Those conversations were unpleasant and I don't get along with half of those people in there. This is my mother asking what's wrong. How can we sit here like a big happy family only to reveal to her that we're not?

"Nothings wrong, Mom." Noah answers before continuing to eat his pancakes. Nothings wrong? I have half a mind to tell mom what's going on right now! "Rachel's probably just on her period."

"How fucking dare you!" I shout jumping off of my seat

"Rachel!" My mom shouts before I could say another word "Watch your mouth."

"I'm sorry." I say when I realize what I just said. I never swear in front of my mother. Actually I almost never swear at all. Noah just made me so angry. Trying to act like he did nothing wrong. He's so lucky I don't tell my mom what happened right now

"Noah," My mom says in a stern voice "You should no better than to be insensitive about these kind of things." I roll my eyes at my mother's words. Noah being sensitive? If he has no problem sleeping with my girlfriend while I'm right down the hall then I doubt that he'll try to be sensitive about anything he talks about. Especially about me

"I'm sorry, Mommy." Noah apologizes with soft eyes. I hate when he does that! Every time he does that my mom's heart just melts and she just forgets whatever he did wrong. He could commit a crime and she'd forgive him in a heartbeat if he'd just apologize to her with those soft eyes. I know that, because she has

"It's not me you should be saying sorry to, baby." Mom says. Noah looks at me like a deer caught in headlights. He looks terrified. Like he's afraid to actually talk to me. He should feel that way anyway. We haven't talked in two weeks at all. Mostly because I have absolutely nothing to say to him

"I'm sorry, Rachel." Looking into his eyes I know that he's not talking about what he said. He's talking about what he did to me. He's talking about betraying me when he was one of the people that I trust the most. It almost breaks my heart when I see tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Almost. It only takes me a second to remind myself of what he's done before the anger starts to humid again

"Save it, Noah. Those soft eyes don't work on me after what you've done." I say before turning around to leave, but I can't because my mom grabs me by the wrist

"That's kind of harsh don't you think, Rachel?" She asks giving me a disappointing look. I hate when she gives me that look and she knows it. I don't want her to think I'm being this way with Noah for no reason, but I just can't tell her why we're fighting. It would completely break her heart

"I'm sorry." I apologize to my mom not Noah. I refuse to pretend that everything is ok when it's not. I might be a great actress, but I refuse to make an effort when my hearts broken. It's just not worth it

"Apologize to your brother, Rachel." My mom says crossing her arms. I'm about to refuse when Noah speaks up

"It's fine, Mom." He says before he stands up out if hos chair "She doesn't have to say anything. I love her enough to forgive her." That is so low! He loves me enough to forgive me? Did he love me enough to not have sex with my girlfriend! Who is this guy? Is he really my brother, because it sure doesn't feel like it.

"Ok." My mom nods "I'm off to work. I'll be working late tonight, so you guys are on tout own for dinner tonight. I love you guys." She says before kissing me and Noah them leaving out the door leaving my brother and I alone

"Rachel,"

"We're going to be late." I say before grabbing my stuff and leaving out the door. I just can't talk to him right now. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to talk to him.

I get to school and the first thing I see is Kurt and Mercedes waiting for me at my locker. I have to admit that I've never been so grateful for these two. They were the first ones I called after I caught Santana and Noah together. They listened to me while I talked and held me while I cried. It's been extremely hard, but it means a lot to know that I'm not going through this alone. I didn't realize how much Kurt and Mercedes cared about me until this happened. They're the best friends I've ever had

"Hey, Diva." Mercedes greets me as I approach them "How are you doing this morning?"

"Horrible." I answer honestly. There's really no point in lying. They can tell when somethings bothering me. Plus I really don't want to lie anyway. I need to talk to my friends about this

"What happened?" Kurt asked

"Another tension filled breakfast in the Puckerman household only this time it wasn't in complete silence." I start explaining "My mom basically freaked out and demanded to know why Noah and I aren't speaking. I just can't tell her what's going on."

"Why not?" Mercedes asks "It would be a great opportunity to show Shelby that Puck isn't the perfect little angle she thinks he is."

"I thought about that. It was actually the reason why I was going to tell her, but also the reason I couldn't. My. Mom thinks the world of Noah. If she was to find out what he did it would break her heart. I can't do that to her."

"You're a better person than I am." Kurt says "I would of told her without even thinking about how it would effect anyone else. Although I understand why you didn't tell her I still think you have a right to be a little selfish here. Someone has considering you brother and girlfriend didn't."

"Ex-girlfriend." Mercedes points out. It's still kind of weird to hear that. I never thought that Santana would be my ex-girlfriend. I thought her and I were going to be together forever. I also never thought she would cheat on me either though

"Can we just go to class now?" Kurt and Mercedes nod before the three of us walk towards our next class

This entire day went by really slowly. I've never been so thankful for a day to be over. I have three classes with Santana and it took every bit of strength in me to not burst into tears at just the sight of the girl who still holds my heart. I don't know how long it will take me to get my heart back, but I know it won't be anytime soon. I meant with all my heart when I told Santana I loved her. I've never loved someone the way that I love her. That only makes it hurt more to think about her and Noah together. The girl that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with did this to me. The girl I would of done anything for. How does a heart heal from such a betrayal?

"Rachel!" I turn around to see Noah running towards me. I just ignore him and continue to walk down the hall and towards my car. I always thought that it was a waste for Noah and I to drive our own cars to school, but now I've never been more thankful that we do. Now I can just completely ignore him and drive home without worrying about Noah in the slightest. I'm not sure I would actually care if he had a ride home or not anyway.

"Stop ignoring me!" He shouts before grabbing my arm and dragging me into an empty classroom "I'm sorry! I am so sorry, Rachel."

"You slept with my girlfriend, Noah! The girl I love more than anything! Then this morning you have the nerve to tell Mom that everything's ok! When you know Damn well that it's not and may never be ok! What the hell were you even thinking when you slept with her?" I've never fought with my brother like this. He's always had my back since we were born which confuses me. Why would the person who's always looked out for me hurt me more than anyone else ever had?

"I thought you didn't deserve her." He sighs "I've always loved her and you knew that. You knew how I felt about her when you asked her out. You knew how much I loved her, but you went after her anyway." He's not completely wrong. I knew he had feelings for her, but I didn't know that he loved her. I was just so happy and so in love with her that I didn't think Noah would be so upset. I thought he would be over that crush right now

"That doesn't justify what you did, Noah!" I shout "I didn't even know that you still had feelings for her! You're with a different girl every weekend! I thought you were over her! I never did anything to hurt you! I went out with Santana because I love her! I would never do anything to hurt you like this!"

"I know that ok! I know that you would never do anything to hurt me! I'm not trying to justify my actions! I'm just trying to tell you how sorry I am. I'm really really sorry, Rach." I look at my brother and notice there's tears in his eyes. I really want to tell him not to cry, but I can't. I want to forgive him, but I can't. I want our relationship to be like it was before, but it can't. I'm not sure we'll ever be the same again

"I can't do this. You hurt me so bad, Noah. You're my big brother. You're suppose to have my back not stab me in the back. I love you, Noah. You're my big brother and I will always love you no matter what. But, I just caught you in bed with my girlfriend two weeks ago. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again." I sob and run out of the room before Noah can answer

I can't forgive him so easily, but I don't want to stay angry with him either. This is so unfair! Why is it up to me to do the right thing? Why can't I just stay mad without worrying about anyone else? Why do I care about Santana and Noah anyway? It would be so much easier if I could just hate them. If I didn't care about them then I wouldn't be running towards the bathroom in tears right now. I wouldn't of just busted through the bathroom door to find Santana on the floor crying and holding a pregnancy test. Wait! What?


	3. Chapter 3

Tell me this is a dream. A nightmare please! Tell me that I'm not actually staring at the girl I love holding a pregnancy test. This can't be happening right now. If she's pregnant than I'll have to see proof of what they did to me growing inside her for the next nine months. Noah and Santana will always have this connection between them for the rest of their lives. Not to mention I'll be that kid's Aunt so I'll watch him or her grow up. I couldn't handle that. I shouldn't have to handle that. All of a sudden I feel very dizzy like I'm going to pass out

"If you tell me I'm a bad person and I deserve this then I wouldn't blame you." Santana says before burying her face in her hands. I want to feel bad for her. I want to wrap her in my arms and tell her that everything will be ok, but I just can't. She doesn't get to break my heart then try to get me to feel sorry for her

"Are you pregnant, Santana?" I tried to show no emotion in my voice, but it didn't work. My voice was shaky and I could tell I was a second away from crying

"I don't know." She sobs as she buries her face in her hands. I'm not sure if I like that answer. It's not a yes, but it's not a no either. That means that there is a possibility that the love of my life is pregnant with my brothers child. I always thought that if Santana was pregnant it would be when we decided to start a family. You know after my successful Broadway career and Santana becomes a high powered lawyer.

"I can't be here." I hold back a sob as I run out of the bathroom. My Santana can't be pregnant. She's got so many big plans for her future and a baby could get in the way of her dreams. Wait! Why do I even care so much? She's the one who decided to cheat on me and have unprotected sex with my brother. Maybe now she'll be paying the ultimate price for her decision. I just can't help but hope that she's not pregnant though.

"Rachel?" I guessed I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice Brittany standing there. I know that she knows about my break with Santana, only because everybody know about it, but I don't know if she knows why. Still, Santana needs somebody right now and I can't do it

"Hey, Brittany. Santana is in the bathroom right now and I think she really needs you right now." The blonde just nods before running into the bathroom. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I really wish I could rewind time back to two weeks ago. Back to when Santana was mine and she didn't have to worry about being pregnant

"Rachel?" I jump at the sound of someone's voice coming from behind me. I turn quickly and see Quinn looking at me with what could only be defined as concern "Are you ok?"

"I'm really not ok Quinn." I sob before I fall to the ground. Quinn quickly drops to her knees and wraps her arms around me. She doesn't ask me any questions or demand to know what's going on like the rest of the glee club has. She just holds me while I cry into her chest. After what seems like an eternity I pull away from Quinn and try to stop crying. I'm getting sick and tired of crying

"Would you like a ride home?" Quinn asks "I don't think you're in any condition to drive." I nod before she helps me off the floor and we make our way towards her car

I sigh in relief as Quinn drives up to my house and I see that Noah isn't home. The ride over here was completely silent. I know that Quinn must have quite a few questions for me, but she won't ask. I appreciate that she respects me enough to ask the millions of questions that everybody else has been asking. It makes me wonder how much she knows about the break up though. Santana is her best friend, so I don't know if she would fill her in on the entire situation

"Look Rachel, I know you probably think I'm going to ask you a whole bunch of questions, but I'm not." Did she just read my mind? Is she psychic? "No I'm not psychic. Santana told me everything. I know that you guys got into a fight, because you were pushing her to say she loves you. I know that she went crying to Puck afterwords. I also know that your douche of a brother took advantage of the fact that you two were fighting and fucked my best friend. I also know that Santana, because she's a fucking idiot, decided that was the best moment to tell you that she loves you." Is that all she knows? "I also know that Santana was in the bathroom taking a pregnancy test."

"What? You knew she might be pregnant, but you let her go in there alone! Aren't you suppose to be her best friend?" I snap at her. I know that Santana broke my heart and that's why I just can't be there for her, but Quinn can

"Calm down, Rach." She places her hand on my shoulder and looks into my eyes "I tried to be there for her. She didn't even tell me about the pregnancy test. I saw it in her gym bag after cheerios practice and when I told her so she denied it was hers. She claimed that some other cheerio must of accidentally put it in her bag. She shouted at me until I said ok and let it go."

"Oh." I can't imagine how scared Santana is right now. I wish so badly that I can say I couldn't care less, but that's not true. I do care. I don't want to. It would be so much easier if I just didn't care. That way Santana and Noah could do whatever they wanted and it wouldn't effect me in the slightest. The problem is I love them so much that I can't help but worry about them. I just wish they loved me enough to care about my pain too

"Rachel, are you ok?" It takes me a second to realize why Quinn was asking me this. My emotions must of got the best of me and I've shed a few tears

"I'm f-fine, Quinn." She gives me a look that says 'No you're not' before she wraps her arms around me for the second time today. I oddly find comfort in her arms. It's not the same as when Santana or Noah try to comfort me, but it's nice to know that someone cares about my feelings. Besides Kurt and Mercedes of course

"Do you want me to stick around? We can go inside and watch a movie or something. I'm pretty sure you don't want to even think about my stupid friend or your idiot brother." I nod against her chest before the two of us get out of the car and go into the house

Quinn and I have been sitting in my room for a coulple of hours now. We haven't talked that much just watch Tv. It's not uncomfortable or anything though. In fact it's kind of nice to have her here. I'm starting to worry about Noah though. It's almost six and he's not home. I realize that might sound ridicules, but he's always home before Mom gets home from work. He greets her at the door and butters her up before he stays out all night. It makes me wonder where he is right now. Is he with Santana? She has to know the results of the pregnancy test now. Are they together? Are they talking about starting their family?

"Rachel, Breathe." Quinn places her hand on my back and starts rubbing small comforting circles. I didn't even realize that I was holding in a breath. "Are you alright?"

"What if they're together right now?" I ask myself more than I do Quinn. What if they decide to start a relationship for the sake of the baby? What if they get married?

"Puck and San? Rachel, Santana is at the lima bean with Brittany. She text me like ten minutes ago asking me to join them. I doubt that Puck's with them." Quinn explains

"Did she take the pregnancy test?" I've been so worried about the results of this test and Noah probably doesn't even know about it

"Not yet. Brittany told me that didn't want Santana to take the pregnancy test in the bathroom at the school, but somewhere more private. They're going to go to San's house tonight, since her parents are never home anyway, to take the test there."

"I guess that makes sense." Now I have to wait even longer for the results! The longer I have to wait the more it's going to drive me crazy!

"Don't freak out just yet, Rach. She might not even be pregnant." Oh how I pray she's not

"You're right." I take a deep breath beofre I continue "Maybe you should go with them. I'm sure Santana can use her best friends right now."

"What about you?" She asks concerned

"I'll be fine. Kurt and Mercedes are suppose to come over for dinner tonight anyway. I know they'll stick around if I need them."

"Ok. Santana did ask me to meet them over there, so I'm sure she's done trying to deny that she's taking a pregnancy test. Britt will be there, but I know she needs both of us right now." She jumps off my bed and sticks her hand out to me "Now walk me to my car."

"Ok." I roll my eyes as I grab ber hand and head downstairs with her. When we walk out the front door I see something unexpected. Noah is in the back of his truck making out with a girl. When did he get here? Who is the girl? Didn't he break up Santana and I to pursue a relationship with her?

"You're a pig, Puckerman!" Quinn shouts as we walk by his truck and to her car

"You're just jealous, Fabray!" Noah shouts as he hops out of the truck leaving the nameless girl in the back

"Oh please." She rolls her eyes "I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last guy on earth."

"Have you talked to Santana today?" I practically shout at my brother

"I haven't talked to Santana since she ran out of the house two weeks ago." He says

"You've got to be kidding me! You have absolutely no idea what she's going through do you?! You ruined my relationship with her, because you claim to love her, but you're here with some other girl! You sicken me!"

"I didn't try to pursue a relationship with Santana, because I felt bad!" Noah shouts "I feel bad for her, because I ruined her relationship. But most of all I feel bad, because I made you lose the person you love more than anything in the world! You have no idea how much I regret what I did!"

"I can see you're just torn up about it!" I shout back

"What do you care? It seems like your getting cozy with Fabray!" He yells looking at my hand which is still linked with Quinn's. I immediately pull my hand away before shouting

"Quinn was just here to comfort me! Can you believe that? Somebody actually cares about my feelings! Someone is actually concerned for my well being!"

"I care! You have no idea how much I care!"

"Stop lying to me!"

"ENOUGH!" We all stop what we're doing and turn our heads to see my mom standing there looking so confused and disappointed "What the hell is going on here?" We all just look at the ground and shift our feet awkwardly "You two go home." My mom tells Quinn and the girl Noah was with "and you two in the house now!" My brother and I walk into the house and sit on the couch as fast as we can

Oh man this is it. My mom's going to make us tell her what's going on. I don't want to do this. I don't want to have to break her heart. I know Noah isn't going to tell her anything. How do I do this? How do I tell my mother why my brother and I aren't speaking?

"Talk. Now." My mom says as she crosses her arms and sits on the recliner

"It's nothing, Mommy." Noah says making his stupid puppy dog eyes

"Don't lie to me, Noah Puckerman!" Oh my God! My mom just yelled at my brother! I never thought I'd see the day "I want the truth right now."

"I-um I might of-"

"He had sex with Santana!" I shout growing impatient "He had sex with my girlfriend and that's why I haven't spoken to him the last two weeks. I can't even stand to look at him!"

"Noah?" My mom asks giving my brother a look that could only be descried as devastated. I knew this would break her heart. I knew she would be heart broken to find out her pefrect son is anything but "Is that true? Are you the reason Santana and Rachel broke up?"

"Yes." Noah lowers his head and lets a single tear roll down his cheek "I'm so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I've told Rachel over and over again, but she won't even listen to me."

"I can't say I blame her." My mom says harshly "Honestly, Noah, what would you think would happen? Rachel is your sister!"

"I know!" He shouts jumping off the couch "I don't know how to make this right!"

"You can't make this right!" I shout as I jump up off the couch as well "You can never undo what you did! There might be a constant reminder of what you did haunting me for the rest of our lives!"

"What constant reminder?" My mom asks. Oh shit I said that out loud. I didn't mean to. I was just so mad and it kind of just came out

"I just meant it would be hard to forget." I lie

"You two need to stop lying to me." She says in a stern voice that lets me know that lying to her again would be a bad idea. I run my fingers through my hair and take a deep breath before I answer her

"Santana thinks she might be pregnant."

"She what?"

"I can't be a father!" My mom and Noah shout at the same time

"You should of thought of that before you slept with my girlfriend!" I shout in my brother's face

"I'm not ready to be a dad." Noah's face pales as he falls to the couch. For a second I think that I shouldn't of said anything. That this isn't how they should found out about this, but the thought quickly leaves my mind. If Noah doesn't care about how I feel then I don't care how he feels

"You are going to help that girl." My mom says giving my brother a serious look "Do you understand, Noah? I will not let you be like your father."

"I'm nothing like him!" I knew that would set him off. He's always promised that he would be a better man than our father. He said he would look out for his family no matter what

"If you leave Santana to take care of this child alone then you are." Noah looks like he's taking my mother's words to heart. Like he's actually thinking about helping out Santana

"You're right." The three of us must have nothing else to say, because we all just sit here in silence. I don't even want to think about what's going to happen if Santana is really pregnant.

'I've got my back against the record machine I ain't the worst that you've seen. Oh can't you see what I mean? Might as well jump. Jump! Might as well jump.'

We're all brought out of her thoughts by Noah's phone ringing

"Hello." He answers

"Puck?" I hear Santana's voice from the other end of the phone

"What's wrong?" Oh man this is it. She's going to tell him she's pregnant with his child. This is where they start their lives together and forget all about me

"I have to tell you something."

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WOW GUYS! THE LAST CHAPTER GOT 33 REVIEWS! I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE THAT YOU GUYS ARE LIKING THIS STORY. I HOPE YOU DON'T HATE ME FOR THE WAY THIS CHAPTER ENDED! NEXT CHAPTER IS IN SANTANA'S POV! I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT AND PLEASE REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 4

SANTANA'S POV

I stare at the pregnancy test and do my best to control my emotions. I realized the second I took this test that my life would change no matter what the results were. I shouldn't even be in this situation. I should be with my beautiful girlfriend and telling her how much I loved her. Why didn't I just tell her that I love her? I wouldn't be in this mess and I would still have Rachel in my arms. Why did I ever go to Puck's room? Why didn't I just go home? How could I have been so stupid and lose the best thing that ever happened to me?

"Santana." I hear Quinn call my name, but I don't respond. I don't even move. I'm just left frozen staring at a pregnancy test "What does it say?"

"I have to call Puck." I announce as I run into my room. I pick up my phone and try to even out my breathing. I know that Puck probably already knows that I was taking this test. Rachel saw me with it in the bathroom and whether they're talking or not, this is not something she would hide from him. I take one more deep breath as I dial Puck's number

"Hello." He answers

"Puck?" I take a deep shakey breath to keep my emotions at bay

"What's wrong?" I can hear the worry in his voice. I know that he's got to know about the pregnancy test. I have to tell him right now what it said, but I'm so afraid of how he's going to react

"I have to tell you something." I whisper. I feel Quinn and Britt each place a hand on my shoulder before I continue "I'm sure you know that I was taking a pregnancy test."

"Yes I know." By the tone in his voice that he's nervous. This is just so bad! I can't do this. I can't do this. I just want to go back in time to where Rachel was mine and I wasn't on the phone with her brother about to tell him

"The test was positive." I sob hearing the words out loud. It's like it's real now. I'm pregnant. I'm carrying Noah Puckerman's child. What do I do? What do we do? I'm not ready to be a mother and Puck is sure as hell not ready to be a father

"So you are pregnant?" Even over the phone I can tell that he's crying. What have I done? Not only did I ruin Puck's and Rachel's lives, but now our families are going to be effected as well. Plus this baby is innocent and didn't ask to be apart of this drama

"We don't know for sure, Puck." I don't know if I'm saying that to calm his nerves or mine, but it is true. Some pregnancy tests false positives, don't they? "Will you go with me to the doctor? It's really the only way we can be sure."

"Ok." He sniffles. This is all my fault! If I wasn't so stupid then I wouldn't have to deal with a pregnancy scare, Puck wouldn't be crying, and Rachel wouldn't hate me. All I had to do was day three little words. All I had to do was tell Rachel how much I loved her, but I was a fucking coward! "When do we go?"

"I'll make an appointment and let you know." I hang up the phone before he can answer. I know he'll wait for me to call him back, but for now I throw myself on the bed and start sobbing shamelessly. It's not until I feel my bed shift that I remember that Quinn and Brittany were here. Britt wraps her arms around me and I cry into her chest.

I've ruined everything. I lost the girl I love more than anything in the world. Honestly I was scared to tell her how I felt, but now it seems so stupid. At the time it made sense. I haven't had the best luck when it comes to relationships and I thought I was protecting myself from potential heartbreak, but instead my heart hurts like never before. I don't even know why I slept with Puck. He's a great guy and I love him as a friend, but I could never be in love with him. I guess he was just saying all the right things and I just went for it

Why did Rachel have to push me? I'm not saying that it's her fault that I slept with Puck, because it's not. That stupid mistake was my fault and mine alone. I just wanted to tell Rachel that I loved her when I wanted to. Did I not have that right? The right to decide when to tell her that I loved her. I know that I'd still probably be scared to tell her now, but at least then whenever I told her how I felt it would of been my decision. I never had that choice

Now I'll spend the rest of my life wishing I had just told her that I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. To top it off I might have a kid that didn't ask to be apart of this drama. How do I explain that he was conceived when his mom cheated on his Aunt? Will Rachel hate me forever? For creating a constant reminder of my infidelity? Will she ever see me the way she use to? Will I ever get her back?

"San," Quinn whispers as she places her hand on my shoulder. I know that her and Britt are trying to comfort me, but it's not working. The only one who can make me feel better probably hates me more than anything. I wouldn't blame Rachel if she thinks I deserve this, but deep down I know that's not true. No matter how much somebody hurts Rachel, she would never wish anything bad on anyone. I know that, but I can't help but think she hates me

Maybe I just wish she did hate me. If she hated me then she wouldn't be in pain right now. Pain that I caused. I'm hoping that she can forgive me, but I'm not holding my breath. I know that I don't deserve her forgiveness. I just want to talk to her so badly though. Maybe if I tried to talk to her she'll listen "I know what you're thinking, Santana. It's not a good idea. She's really hurt right now."

"What?" I look up at Quinn angrily. How would she know that Rachel was really hurting? Has she been talking to Rachel? When? Why didn't she tell me? Has she been seeing her behind my back?

"I said she's really hurting right now." She answers clearly confused as to why I'd be angry "When I talked to her-"

"You talked to her?!" I shout through my tears. Why would Quinn talk to Rachel? She wouldn't even talk to Rachel when I was dating her. Why does she choose now to talk to her

"Is that a bad thing?" I scoff, because really? What makes her think it's a good thing? She's suppose to one of my best friends, but she's talking to Rachel without telling me!

"Do you have something going on with her?!" Quinn gives me this blank expression as I yell at her. That's it, isn't it? That has to be it. Why else would Quinn not tell me she's talking to Rachel? I always suspected that Q was a member of the lady loving team, but I never thought she'd go after Rachel. What kind of best friend does that?

"I'm going to try to remain calm, and not smack you for how ridiculous you're being, but only because you're hurting." How dare she talk to me like that, when she's the one sneaking off to see Rachel behind my back! I should go all Lima heights on her skinny white ass right now! "There's nothing going on between Rachel and I. She's was crying earlier and I drove her home, she was very upset, so I stayed with her. I was trying to do the right thing."

"You told me you were at home! If there's nothing going on, then why did you try to cover it up?!" Quinn's done a lot of sneaky things over the coarse of our friendship, but I never thought she would do this to me. This is just a whole new level of low! I will not just sit back and allow her to betray me like this. Rachel is mine! Mine!

"I didn't want to upset you! Everytime someone even says Rachel's name, you start bawling your eyes out! I was just thinking about you!" I take a deep breath and nod. She is right, after all. Everytime I even think of Rachel, it takes all of my strength not to cry. That's because, I know that I might of lost her forever and I can't except that

"I believe you." I never thought losing Rachel would make me this crazy. I knew I loved her, I knew that hurting her would hurt, but I didn't think I would completely lose ot like this. Picturing her with anybody else, hurts more than I'm willing to admit. I guess it's just something I'll have to get use to though. There's no way she'll ever take me back "I should of known that you would never do that. I just miss her so much it hurts. I want her back in my arms so badly, but I know that's not going to happen. I'm such a bad person."

"You're not a bad person!" Britt shouts. How can she say that? After what I did, how could anybody think of me as anything else, but a selfish slut who was too afraid to admit her feelings? "You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, San."

"But, this is really bad." I pull Brittany close to me and sob into her chest. I know how fucking cliche it sounds, but I really would take it back if I could. I would tell Rachel I loved her and would of never gone to Puck's room. "I lost her. She's never going to want me again."

"Shhhh." Britt runs her fingers through my hair and holds me tight, whispering comforting things into my ear. We stay this way for about twenty minutes, when my tears decide to stop, and I move away from Britt's chest

"Quin?" I look over to my other best friend. She looks like she could cry at any second, but is holding back. I can't believe I accused her of having something with Rachel. Quinn and I don't have the perfect relationship, but we love each other. I should of known that she would never hurt me by going after Rachel "Will you look out for Rachel more? I know she has Wheezy and Lady Hummel, but they both hate me. Will you just, look after her and let me know how she's doing?"

"You want me to spy on her?" She asks, raising her eyebrow. I guess that does sound like I was asking, ha? Is that what I'm asking? Do I really want Quinn to spy on my ex-girlfriend? No! I just want to know that Rachel's ok

"Don't spy on her," I roll my eyes "Just look after her. I just want to know that she's doing ok. I know she's extremely hurt right now and it's my fault, but I don't want her to hurt anymore."

"Okay." Quinn agrees hesitantly. I know that her and Rachel aren't exactly the best of friends, but I know Rachel. Once Quinn offers her friendship, Rach will accept it despite everything Q has done to her. That's just because Rachel is the most forgiving person I ever met "Rachel's not that bad anyway. I could keep an eye on her, but I will not be a fake friend. If she tells me something in confidence, I refuse to betray her trust. She's already having a hard time and the last thing she needs, is someone pretending to care about her. Do you understand?"

"Yeah." I bow my head in shame. Rachel's pain is all my fault. I'm the one who broke the strongest girl I've ever known. That's why I have to agree with what Quinn's saying. If Rachel starts to trust Quinn and then finds out the only reason Quinn is her friend, is because I asked her to, it would break her heart. I can't be responsible for that "Can you guys stay the night with me? I don't think I could handle being alone right now." My best friends nod before the three of us lay down together and fall asleep

"You guys!" I shout from the bathroom the next morning. I woke up earlier and got up to use the restroom, when I noticed blood on my underwear. I was crying, feeling so relieved until Quinn said it could be spotting. I don't know what the hell it means, but she suggested I take another test. That's what I'm doing tight now "Quinn! Britt! It's negative! The test is negative!" Maybe I haven't ruined everybody's lives after all

I walk into school smiling for the time in two weeks. Considering the situation I'm in you would think I'd be devastated, but not after the morning I had. Knowing the test was a false positive, just made me feel so relieved that I actually cried. Right now I'm looking for Puck. I've got to tell him, so he can stop freaking out. The second I spot him at his locker, I grab his shoulder and spin him around

"I'm on my period." I blurt out with a smile. I don't even care who heard me. I'm not pregnant with Noah Puckerman's child. I'm not pregnant! I've never been so relieved in my life

"That's gross." He winced "Why are you telling me this?" I look down and shake my head. Really? He really just asked me that

"Pregnant women don't have periods, Puck." I watch him think before he finally gasps. I knew he'd figured it out eventually. He smiles and wraps his arms around me, spinning me in the air

"We're not pregnant!" He shouts, not caring who hears him. You would think I'd be pissed off, but I'm too relieved to care

"You guys are a cute couple." Puck and I turn our heads to see some girl looking at us. I don't know who this girl is, but she looks really pissed off "You told me you were single, Noah."

"Sugar," He says as he puts me down. Sugar? What kind of name is Sugar? "There is nothing going on between Santana and I. I really am single. She was just telling me-"

"That she wasn't pregnant." Sugar says cutting me off "I heard you, Noah. Tell me again how there's nothing going on with you two."

"Why do you even care?" Puck asks, which by the look Sugar is giving him is a bad idea "You and I aren't dating, Sugar. We've just fooled around a couple times."

SLAP!

I so saw that slap coming. Puck puts his hand to his cheek and watches Sugar storm down the hallway. That was really weird, but I'm over it. Now I've got to tell Rachel I'm not pregnant. If this pregnancy scare taught me anything, it's that how much I really screwed up. I know once I tell Rachel she'll be just as relieved as I am. Quinn offered to do it for me, but I think this is something I should tell her. I just really hope she'll listen to me

* * *

I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG YOU GUYS! WRITER'S BLOCK IS A BITCH! I'LL TRY MY HARDEST TO UPDATE AS SOON AS I CAN. I DON'T WANT THE NEXT UPDATE TO TAKE SO LONG TO UPDATE, SO I'LL TRY MY HARDEST TO WRITE FASTER. I LOVE YOU ALL AND PLEASE REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 5

RACHEL'S POV

I walk through the halls of Mckinley with Kurt and Mercedes by my side. I told them everything about Santana's possible pregnancy and they haven't left my side since. I really appreciate what they're doing for me, but it would of been nice to go to the bathroom without them standing outside the door. I'm not complaining though. It's nice knowing that these two care about me so much. Especially now that Santana and I are broken up. It's just too hard to be in the same building as her, but I have no choice. Having Kurt and Mercedes by my side just makes things a little easier. At least I know that they'll have my back if Santana tries to talk to me again. Kurt seems to think that me talking to Santana is a good thing, but I'm not sure I could handle that right now.

At least that's what I keep telling them. Truth is I just don't want to see her. I've never been so angry and hurt with someone before. Someone who was suppose to love me. Someone who I planned to spend the rest of my life with. I know that sounds crazy, but I loved her. I wanted her to be my forever. Now that she's not even my girlfriend anymore, because of her infidelity, I can't even look at her without bursting into tears. How could I possibly have a conversation with her?

"Hold up, girl." Mercedes says, grabbing me by the arm. I'm about to ask her what's going on, but before I can speak I can see Santana heading this way "Do you want me to tell her to back off?"

"No." Kurt answers "She needs to talk to Santana. She'll never fully move on if she doesn't get closure. She's been moping around for weeks! It's time to get on with her life!"

"She's been moping around for TWO weeks, Kurt. Her and Santana were literally being all cute and lovey two weeks ago. She's going to need more time than that." I know that these two are trying to help, but it's hard to listen to them when they have two different ideas on what I should do. At least they have ideas on what I should do though. I on the other hand, haven't got a clue as to what I should do. I know that I can't mope forever, but am I really ready to move on? Like Mercedes said, it's only been two weeks. Don't I need more time?

"Rachel," I was so lost in thought that I didn't even notice that Santana had approached us. I look at her and see an unfamiliar vulnerability that even I've never seen before. She's scared and she should be. She knows that I don't want to see her. She knows that I'd rather be alone with literally anyone else in the world right now, but that doesn't stop her from trying "I know that you're pissed, and you have every right to be, but I need to talk to you." I look towards my best friends and they both give me reassuring looks that let me know they have my back if I need them. I almost ask for them to get rid of my ex-girlfriend, but she speaks up before I can "It's about the pregnancy test. It's very important, Rachel, please."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Mercedes says, standing between Santana and I. I'm fully prepared for my ex-girlfriend to yell at my fellow diva, but she doesn't. She doesn't say anything at all. Instead she looks at me with pleading eyes, silently begging me to listen to what she has to say

"It's ok, Mercedes." I say, placing my hand on her shoulder "I've got to do this." I almost slap Kurt when he gives me a smug look, but I don't have the energy to deal with it. Besides, I know he did have a point. I would have to talk to Santana and the sooner the better. I just want to get it over with

"As long as you're sure." Mercedes takes a step back, leaving nothing but air between Santana and I. There's a part of me that just wants to run away and never look back. I know I have to do this, but that's not going to make it any easier

"Let's talk in the choir room." I say, walking towards my destination, without even checking to see if Santana is following me. There's no point in checking anyway. I would know Santana was walking behind me even if I didn't hear her walking. She's been so desperate to talk to me that she would follow me anywhere of I allowed it The problem is, I really don't want to talk to her. I'd rather eat nails than have the conversation I'm about to have with Santana.

Nobody has never caused so much pain in my heart. What makes it worst is that nobody has ever been the cause of so much love either. Even though she couldn't tell me she loved me, I felt it. I felt it when she held me, when she kissed me, or when she made love to me. She use to tell me that she adored me, but never loved. At least not until after I caught her in bed with my brother. The memory coming back to me only reminds me that I really, really don't want to talk to her. I can't run now though. Now that we're standing in the choir room, staring at each other. I can tell that Santana was trying to say something, but doesn't really know how

"I know you have something to say, Santana, so will you just say it already?" I ask harshly. Can you blame me though? She should consider herself lucky that I'm here in the first place, despite really wishing I wasn't. I need for her to either say what she needs to say or let me leave

"Well, I'm not pregnant." I take a deep breath, nodding while I run my fingers through my hair. I'm trying to act like I don't care, when I'm really so relieved on the inside. Although it doesn't change the fact that she cheated on me, I'm so happy that I don't have to watch the proof of her infidelity grow right in front of my eyes. I don't know if I would of been able to handle that. "Also, I'm so sorry for what I did to you, Rachel."

"That doesn't mean anything to me." By the look of complete devastation on Santana's face, she knows that I'm serious. Funny thing is, I don't care that she looks like somebody just ran over her puppy. I don't care that she's silently begging me to forgive her. I don't care, because she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve for me to care about her feelings, when she obviously didn't care about mine. Now that I know she's not pregnant, I'm done worrying about her. It's time to start worrying about me instead

"I should of expected that." Santana whispers, tears spilling from her eyes. Any other time, I would wrap my arms around her and tell her everything would be ok, but I can't do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to be the better person, because it's not fair. Why should it be up to me to make things right? Why should I even make them right in the first place? "I don't expect you to forgive me so soon, or at all really, but I just wanted you to know. I will always regret what I did to you. I should of told you what you meant to me when I had the chance."

"Yeah, you should of." I spat out bitterly. It almost hurts that I don't feel the least bit of guilt, when I see her head drop. I've spent too much of my time worried about her and Noah. Kurt was right. There's nothing left for me to do, bit move on. I just need to get through the rest of this conversation to do so "I just need to ask you one thing, Santana. One question and then I'm done with you."

"Ok." She nods sadly

"Why did you do it?" It's a question that's been haunting me for weeks. Throughout our entire relationship, I've always put Santana first. I did anything and everything to make her happy. I know she was scared to say how she felt about me, and maybe I was a little pushy about the subject, but I don't think that's a justifiable reason for her to cheat on me. I stare at her, waiting for an answer. I don't know if she's thinking of stalling, but I don't feel like waiting "I need to know, Santana." She inhales a deep breath before answering me

"I didn't feel safe anymore." Safe? With what? She didn't feel safe with me? With our relationship? "One of the things that made me fall for you was, the way you made me feel safe. You never asked anything from me our entire relationship. You didn't use me for popularity, you didn't want me for my body, you never pushed me to talk about things I wasn't ready for. You just wanted me. All of a sudden having me it wasn't enough anymore. For the sake of our relationship, I had to tell you then and there. I got scared. The safety I felt with you was fading. I was honestly just going to run out that night, but Puck caught me in the hall. He started telling me he loved me, and that he wasn't going to force me to say it back. He was making me feel the way you use to. I made the biggest mistake of my life that night. I lost the most important person in my life. It wasn't worth the safe feeling."

I feel tears running down my cheeks, completely against my will. I'm not going to blame myself for San cheating, because that was her decision and hers alone, but she isn't wrong. I promised her that I'd never push her for something she wasn't ready for, and I broke it. I'm not saying I'm sorry for wanting to know my girlfriend loves me, but maybe I shouldn't of pushed so hard. Maybe I should of continued to just make her feel safe

Wait! What am I saying? Do I really think it would be ok for me to continue to make her feel safe, when she didn't even do the same for me?

"I needed the safety too, Santana. I needed to know that my feelings weren't one sided. I made it a point to tell you I loved you everyday. Didn't I deserve that? Didn't I deserve to know that my girlfriend would do anything for me, just like I'd been doing for you? I did everything to make you feel loved! Why couldn't you do the same for me?"

"I was scared, alright!" Santana shouts. That was certainly unexpected. I mean the shouting part, because I know. I know that Santana was scared, but I don't know why. I'm sure I proved my love and loyalty to her, so what was she so afraid of? "Nobody has ever just wanted me for me. I was afraid if I gave my heart to you completely, that I might never get it back. It's not that I didn't trust you, because I trusted you more than anybody, it's just because I've never been in love before. I was trying to avoid getting my heartbroken, and instead I became the reason it was shattered. I'll never forgive myself for that."

I'm not sure what to do now. I want to just storm out that door, but I can't. Santana wasn't just my girlfriend, she was my entire world. We were suppose to be together forever. How do you just get over feelings that are that intense? As much as it hurts, I know I still care about Santana. I'm convinced that there's nothing I can do to ever stop caring about her

"Rachel!" I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I hear the voices of my best friends. I turn my head to see Kurt and Mercedes standing in the doorway. I've never loved these two more than I do right now. Their timing is amazing! "We've got that song to rehearse for glee. We should really get going. You know Mama Jones doesn't like it when we practice too late, no matter how fabulous our voices are."

"You're right, Kurt." I move quickly towards my best friends. I look back at my ex to say "Goodbye, Santana." Before taking off. I don't give her a chance to say anything back. I just needed to get out of there before I did something I'd regret


	6. Chapter 6

It's been exactly three months since I've last talked to Santana and I can honestly say I'm feeling better. I'm not saying that I'm ready to date yet, but I'm definitely more social. Kurt, Mercedes, and I have been hanging everyday after school and almost every weekend. The weekends that I'm not with them, I'm hanging out with Quinn. I know, shocking ha? Ever since she brought me home that day, she's been very persistent about getting me to spend time with her. I wasn't totally sure at first, seeing that she is Santana's best friend, but I quickly decided to give her a chance when she promised Santana's name would never even be mentioned when we're hanging out, so far she's kept that promise. I'm glad I gave her a chance, because she's quickly become one of my best friends

Something that hasn't improved at all is my relationship with my brother. I love Noah, unfortunately he's always going to be my brother, but I don't think I could ever trust him again. It's so bad, that I haven't even talked to him and let me tell you, it's not easy to avoid someone who lives in the same house as you. He tries to talk to me everyday, but I completely ignore him. I have nothing to say to him. He might always be my brother, but that doesn't mean that I'll ever see him that way again. That doesn't stop him from trying though.

I know my mom wishes I would talk to Noah, but she doesn't push me to. She knows that it'll be a very long time, if ever, until my brother and I will be ok. I wish it was easy. It's killing my mom that Noah and I aren't speaking and she doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve any of the pain and I wish I could do something else to make her happy. I almost did talk to Noah last weekend, just to show my mom I'm trying, but it would of been fake. I wish it was something a simple 'I'm sorry' can fix. We haven't even had a family dinner since my mom discovered the truth.

Kurt thinks that all I need is to have some fun outside of the house. I spent all my time at school with my friends or at home with my friends. It's easier that way since Noah is never home, but Kurt says that's no excuse. He says that I need a night to be a normal teenager. Maybe he has a point. I surely could use a night out, especially since even my mom is begging me to leave the house. I've just never spent the night out with friends. Plus, Lima is so small that there aren't that many places to go

"We can go to Club Rush." Kurt suggested, flopping down onto my bed with Mercedes and I. He's been spending the last half an hour trying to find an under 21 place. I refuse to go anywhere they serve alcohol. Not only because I refuse to drink, but also because Noah would definitely be there

"They serve booze, Kurt. My brother goes there all the time." Mercedes says, looking up places on her phone. I swear these two will drag me out of the house if I have to. At first Mercedes was all for me taking all the time I needed, but now that it's been two and a half months she went from 'Take your time.' to 'Girl, you know I love you, but you've become a depressing sad sack, it's time to get your ass out of that bed.' I think that's when I knew my friends were right. I do need to get out if the house

"They offer teen nights, Mercy. No alcohol beverages. It'll just be soda and dancing." Kurt explains, reading the ad. I guess that woul #dn't be so bad. I haven't really danced in awhile, besides my classes of course. It would be nice to just go out and dance for fun

"Well, then that's where we're going." Mercedes says, giving me a look that says, 'Don't even try to argue.' Not that I would. The more they talk about going out, the more I'm actually looking forward to going. It could be z what I need

"I guess there's only one problem then." I sigh, looking at my best friends. I smile at them before saying "What do I wear?" Kurt and Mercedes squealed, running to my closet to find something for me. I knew they'd get excited about that

* * *

Two hours and about a hundred outfits later, Kurt, Mercedes and I are standing outside Club Rush. The music is so loud that I can hear it from out here, but I guess that's kind of the point. I decided that I'm going to have fun tonight no matter what. I've been moping around too long already. Who knows, maybe I'll find a mystery girl for a little one night rendezvous. The idea is kind of exciting to me. It might just help me let loose tonight. Something that my best friends say I need desperately.

The three of us walk into the club, looking around the place before finding a place to sit. There's a lot more people here than I thought there would be, but it's not too crowded. It's actually really nice. The Dj is playing Lady Gaga's 'Just dance' and the dance floor is packed. I know this is when I'm suppose to try to find my mystery girl, but all of a sudden I'm really nervous. Maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe I should just hang out with Kurt and Mercedes all night. I could look for a girl next time.

"I know what you're thinking!" Mercedes shouts over the music "You are not changing your mind now! You wanted to meet a girl, so go do it!" Damn her for knowing me so well! I'm about to tell her that I'm not ready, but she gives me a glare that says it's not up for discussion. The only reason I don't argue is, because I know she's just looking out for me. I don't know if I hate her or love her right now. It's probably both

"Mercy is right!" Kurt shouts, dragging Mercedes and I to the dance floor. I know I should be dancing, but I kind of just swaying awkwardly. I'm nervous, ok! I've never done something like this before. What if I just end up making a fool out of myself? This night is suppose to be fun! "Let loose, Rachel! We know you dance better than that!" I glare at Kurt, but quickly realize he's right. As I start dancing and moving my hips to the beat, Mercedes and Kurt start clapping and cheering, quickly forming a crowd around me. Since I'm not one to pass up a performance, I just continue moving as the crowd gets bigger

As I start to really get into it, I feel someone grab me by the arm and yank me off the dance floor. Before I can start yelling at this person, I realize who it is Noah is dragging me towards the door, with a very angry expression on his face. What the hell is he even doing here? I thought since they don't serve alcohol, he definitely wouldn't be here. This was suppose to be my night for fun! I refuse to have it ruined by my brother!

"What the hell are you doing?" Noah hisses, once we're out the door. I've never seen him so angry, but why? Shouldn't I be the angry one here? I am the angry one! I'm not doing anything wrong here!

"It's called dancing, Noah." I roll my eyes, pulling my arm away from him. I've made it perfectly clear that I'm not speaking to him before, so I don't feel the least amount of guilt when I head towards the door without another word

"You call that dancing?" My brother asks, following me back inside. Ugh! Why can't he just leave me alone? The whole point if going out tonight, was to get away from all my problems. Him bothering me definitely isn't helping "It looked like you were groping yourself in front of a crowd! And what the hell are you wearing?!" I look down at the outfit that my best friends put together for me. It's just a black skirt and v-neck. It's not what I'd normally wear, but Kurt and Mercedes think it looks good on me

"Why do you even care what I'm wearing, Noah?!" I shout, turning around to look my brother in the eye. He's got some nerve, picking right now to act like a big brother. Now that I don't see him that was anymore

"I care when my baby sister is acting like a slu-" I slap him across the face before he can even finish what he was about to say

"How dare you! Between you and I, I'm the slut! Do I have to remind you why I'm not even speaking to you?! Because you don't know how to keep it in your fucking pants!" I hate cursing, I never really do it, but Noah just makes me so angry! Who the hell does he think he is?

"I said I was sorry." He whispers, lowering his head. I've never seen my brother like this before. If it was anything else making him feel this way, I would do everything in my power to make him feel better. I just can't now. I don't care how sorry he is or how may times he cries. It will never take away what he did to me

"You can say you're sorry as many times as you want. It'll never make what you did ok." Once again I turn around and walk away from my brother. I will not let him ruin tonight. This was suppose to be fun and I'll be dammed if I allow it to be anything less

"Rachel!" I turn around to see my best friends running towards me. A part of me is wondering what they were doing when I was being dragged away from my brother, but I quickly let it go. I don't want to argue with them, I want to have fun tonight and that's exactly what I'm going to do "Are you ok? What did Puck have to say?"

"So you did see him? Why didn't you guys try to stop him?" At least it made sense when I thought they didn't see him, but they did and they know I'm not talking to him. Shouldn't they have tried to stop him like they do with Santana?

"We did follow you." Mercedes says "We had to push through all these people and by the time we got out there, you were calling Puck a slut."

"I told Mercy that we'd just come back in here when you guys were done. I knew you'd be coming back inside soon anyway, with how angry you are at your brother." Kurt explains. I guess he does have a point. If him and Mercedes got between my brother and I, we'd probably all be arguing right now outside. That would of definitely ruined this night

"You guys are right." I sigh "Let's not let this ruin our night. We said we were going to have fun and that's exactly what I plan to do!" My best friends cheer as they drag me back to the dance floor. Words cant not describe how grateful I am for these two. They really are helping me move on

* * *

It's about an hour and a half later and I'm starting to feel a little tired. Kurt offered to get us sodas while Mercedes and I find a place to sit. This really has been the most fun I've had in a while. I haven't found my one night fling yet, but the nights still young. I'm determined to find her. Plus if I don't at least try, Kurt and Mercedes will be angry with me. Well, maybe not anger angry, but more like 'We love you and want you to stop hurting angry' Do you get it? Me either, but Kurt says love anger is the best kind.

"There's an empty booth over here!" Mercedes shouts over the music. I quickly spot the booth she's talking about and follow her towards it. When we get to it, we slide in and wait for Kurt

"I'm really having a great time!" I shout, Mercedes nodding in agreement. I look through the crowd to see if I spot Kurt. It's kind of hard to see with all the people "Do you think Kurt's taking awhile?"

"Nah! I think there was a long line!" I nod, still scanning over the crowd looking for Kurt. I suppose Mercedes is right, but there's a lot of people here and I want him to be able to spot us "I'll go look for him if it makes you feel better!"

"It really would!" I smile at Mercedes. She chuckles before slipping out of the booth to find our third Diva, leaving me alone. I start to look around again, not realm looking for anybody, but more out of boredom. I don't recognize many people here. I spot a couple that I know from school, but that's about it. I'm kind of relieved by that though. It's bad enough I ran into my brother

"Rachel?" I flinch at the familiar voice. Why did I have to think that? This night was going so good! I turn around to spot the Unholy Trinity staring at me in shock

"Yes?" I ask, irritated with their staring. What are they so shocked about? Yes, Rachel Berry is actually having a night out with her friends. What's the big deal?

"Guys, go find a place to sit." Quinn says "I'll be there in a minute." Brittany nods, but Santana just continues to stare at me. I'm about to yell at her to stop, but Brittany pulls her away before I could say anything. I guess she could see how angry I am

"Can I help you, Quinn?" I ask harshly, but instantly regret it. She's not the one I'm angry with. She's actually been a really good friend to me and doesn't deserve my attitude "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude. I just wasn't expecting to see you guys here."

"Don't worry about it, Rach." She smiles, sitting down next to me "We weren't expecting to see you here either. This has been our regular spot for the past couple months."

"Really?" I ask shocked. I know Santana loves clubs, she tried to convince me to go with her to one when we were together, but I didn't think she'd come to a place with no alcohol. That's what she got her fake ID for

"Um yeah." Quinn says nervously "She's actually been banned from every other club in Lima." My eyes go wide with shock

"What?" The blonde turns her head, looking at everything that wasn't me. There's something she's not telling me. By the way she can't even look at me, I know it's something bad "Quinn, what's going on?"

"Every weekend that first month you and San broke up, she would get drunk and fight with total strangers. It got so bad that a couple months ago, she ended up in the hospital when these girls ganged up on her and beat the crap out of her. The only reason she's even allowed here is because they don't serve alcohol and she text her mom every half an hour." I try to process everything that Quinn is telling me. I try my hardest not to care, but that's impossible. No matter what happened, I still care about Santana. If she was to get herself hurt badly or even killed, I don't know what I would do

"Has it happened since?" I whisper. Quinn just shakes her head and I sigh in relief. I don't want to spend my time worrying about her, but I can't help it

"Rachel! I found him!" Mercedes yells, approaching the table with two sodas in her hand. She hands me one and slides into the booth "I caught him flirting with some guy." She rolls her eyes "Hey Quinn. When did you get here?"

"I actually just got here with Santana and Brittany." Mercedes just nods, taking a drink of her soda before Quinn slides out of the booth "Well, I'm going to go back with the girls. I'll see you guys on the dance floor. Save me a dance, Rach." She winks before heading towards Santana and Brittany

"What was that about?" Mercedes asks, raising her eye brow "Is Quinn your fling for tonight?" I actually laugh for a couple seconds, until I realize that Mercedes is serious

"Of course not! She's Santana's best friend and straight!" I can't believe that Mercedes would actually believe something like that. Quinn might act a little flirty from time to time, but she's only joking around. It's not like we take it seriously

"Ok, first of all, she's about as straight as Kurt." Mercedes says seriously, rolling her eyes "I know I've seen her check out some cheerios when I was on the squad. She even made out with Brittany at one of Puck's parties! That does not say straight! Second of all, who cares if she's Santana's best friends? Santana sure as hell didn't care when it was your brother!" I know she has a point, but I can't do that. No matter how much Santana hurt me, I can't go after Quinn just to hurt her. Plus I don't see Quinn that way. Yes she's beautiful, but she's my friend and nothing more

"Can we just talk about something else?" I ask pleadingly. The last thing I need in my life is drama and Mercedes even suggesting I have something with Quinn, is beyond drama. I don't need to deal with that

"Let's just dance!" Mercedes shouts, pulling me towards the dance floor. That's the best idea she's had all night


End file.
